You

The other day while I was driving home, I tapped on my phone to see what time it was. Your face lit up my screen and I was filled with a feeling that I couldn’t identify immediately. I couldn’t label it as “happy”, which is what I feel whenever you kiss my forehead or pull me in for a hug. I wasn’t able to label it as "excitement", which is what I feel when I see your name appear on my phone.

As I drove further, I tried to analyse what it was that I felt in that moment your face appeared on my screen. Was I feeling sad? Was it a feeling of longing? No. But what I felt definitely leaned more towards emotional than something lighter. Why did I feel this way?

I pulled over to the side of the road and picked up my phone. I tapped again and, once more, your beautiful face decorated my screen. There it was again. That feeling. What was it? I sat in the car for a few minutes, traffic zooming past, when I suddenly realised my cheeks were damp. I wiped away a stray tear and realised that I was overcome by emotion. I realised that seeing you overwhelms me. I realised that the sight of you fills my body with countless memories of you loving me to such an extent that I am unable to contain it.

I am able to stare at you for hours at end, just watching you be. Watching you scroll through the news on your phone, your neck muscles flexing and your beautiful shoulders contoured perfectly. Watching you drive and seeing how elegant and masculine your forearm looks shifting gears. And in that moment, I finally understood what people mean when they say:

“You are so beautiful, I could cry”

L