Redundant Mama

Having a shared custody arrangement with my baby's father means that we always try to parent in similar ways. We therefore communicate all the important things like discipline, ways we deal with emotions, dietary needs, etc.

Then there are the little things that I don't believe happen quite the same way in both homes, but they are small things that will not necessarily go on to shape him in the future. Things like having cereal for dinner, playing dress up or letting him sleep in my bed once in a while. (Okay most nights - But it is on my request, not his).

I imagine he behaves much more "mature" when he is with his dad. Much more "independent". I guess it is because that is how his dad was raised. Strong, independent, with a good sense of self.

I sometimes think that I might want to keep him a little too dependent on me. I don't encourage it, of course, but I do let him climb into bed with me when he wants and I sometimes still let him crawl onto my lap and cry about an ouchie when I know damn well he could have walked it off.

So when my little boy went to his room this evening and called me, I grabbed my phone and my blanket ready to crawl into bed next to him and hold his hand until he falls asleep, after which I would get up and go to my own room. But when I walked into his room tonight he was already under the covers and immediately said: "Goodnight, Mommy. Sleep tight. Please close the door when you leave."

I didn't flinch. I kissed his forehead goodnight and wished him sweet dreams. I switched off the light and closed the door behind me. And then I stood in the middle of the hallway, feeling completely redundant. What do I do now? Do I switch on the TV and dare to watch what I want? Do I put on the kettle? What if, just as I sit down to relax, he calls out for me to complete our usual routine?

I stood in the hallway for a good fifteen minutes before I decided that it was safe to make some coffee. And to relax. Because without realising it, my baby keeps growing into an amazing, independent little boy who no longer needs his Mommy to tuck him in at night.

And I couldn't be prouder.

L